Maybe We Don’t Need a Family Reunion

Maybe We Don’t Need a Family Reunion

Family is important to most of us. We want to stay connected, see each other, catch up, and create memories together.

But do you really need a traditional family reunion to make that happen?

Yes and no.

I’m not saying family reunions don’t work. They absolutely can. But I think sometimes we put so much pressure on the idea of a family reunion that we make getting together harder than it needs to be.

Think about everything that usually goes into planning one.

First, someone has to pick the city or state.

Then you have to find a weekend that works for enough people.

Then comes the hotel.

Then the activities.

Then the meals.

Then someone inevitably has an opinion about whether everyone should be going to Tennessee, Florida, California, Hawaii, or somewhere else entirely.

And, of course, there is the family reunion T-shirt.

You know the one.

Everybody wears it once, takes a few pictures, and then it either becomes a yard-work shirt, a sleep shirt, or disappears into the back of the closet forever.😂

None of these things are necessarily bad. They can actually be a lot of fun.

But they don’t work for every family.

Life Changes

As family members get older, life changes.

People change jobs. Kids grow up. People have different schedules. Some retire. Some start businesses. Some are dealing with financial obligations that didn’t exist ten or twenty years ago.

And sometimes the family simply becomes more spread out.

What worked when everyone was younger may not work anymore.

That’s something I’ve noticed in my own family, particularly on my mom’s side.

We’ve actually had what I would consider three or four family reunions over the past few years—and nobody really noticed.

There wasn’t a committee.

There wasn’t a vote on the location.

There wasn’t a debate over which hotel everyone should stay in.

There wasn’t a required itinerary.

There wasn’t even necessarily a reunion.

Instead, someone had a birthday.

Someone graduated.

Someone got married.

Someone celebrated an anniversary.

Someone retired.

And someone simply said:

“Here’s the event. Be there if you can.”

And people came.

Remove the Pressure

That’s the part I think is worth paying attention to.

Instead of saying:

“We’re planning a family reunion. Everybody needs to come.”

It’s more like:

“I’m celebrating something important to me. Here’s the date. If you can make it, I’d love to see you.”

That’s a completely different kind of pressure.

And because there isn’t necessarily one giant family plan attached to it, everybody can make their own arrangements.

You can find a hotel that fits your budget.

You can stay with another family member if they have space.

You can arrive early.

You can leave early.

You can stay an extra day.

You can meet up with other relatives for breakfast or dinner.

You can do your own thing.

And then you simply show up for the event that brought everyone together in the first place.

Nobody has to agree on the perfect destination.

Nobody has to find the perfect hotel.

Nobody has to participate in every activity.

The goal is simply to be together.

The Location Isn’t Really the Point

I think we sometimes overestimate how important the location is.

Sure, going somewhere exciting can be great.

But if the real purpose is to see family, does it really matter whether we’re in Tennessee, Florida, California, or sitting in somebody’s hometown?

We’re going to remember the people we saw and the conversations we had a lot longer than we’re going to remember the hotel conference room.

I’ve also noticed something interesting.

When the family isn’t trying to force everyone into the exact same schedule, more people sometimes show up.

People attend the event, spend time with family, and then make their own fun around it.

And nobody seems to complain.

There’s something freeing about that.

Maybe We Should Stop Calling It a Reunion

Maybe the answer isn’t to have fewer family gatherings.

Maybe we just need to stop calling every gathering a family reunion.

Because that label can create expectations.

Now somebody has to organize it.

Somebody has to lead it.

Somebody has to collect money.

Somebody has to make reservations.

Somebody has to put down deposits.

Somebody has to keep track of who’s coming.

Somebody has to deal with the inevitable:

“That weekend doesn’t work for me.”

“That’s too expensive.”

“I don’t want to go there.”

“Why didn’t we pick somewhere else?”

And eventually, the person doing all of the work starts wondering why they volunteered in the first place.

People already have jobs, families, responsibilities, bills, and their own lives to manage.

Asking someone to take on the responsibility of coordinating an entire family reunion is a lot.

And sometimes that’s exactly why these things don’t happen—or don’t go well.

Just Share the Dates

What if we approached family gatherings differently?

Instead of trying to plan one massive reunion every year or every few years, what if family members simply shared the important dates throughout the year?

“My daughter is graduating in May.”

“I’m turning 50 in July.”

“We’re celebrating our anniversary in September.”

“Dad is retiring in October.”

“We’re getting married in November.”

“I’m having a birthday dinner next month.”

Here’s the date.

Here’s the event.

Come if you can.

Now you’ve created multiple opportunities throughout the year for family to see each other.

And nobody had to organize a traditional reunion.

You may actually end up spending more time together this way.

The Goal Is the Same

That’s really the point.

I’m not anti-family reunion.

If your family has a reunion that works, keep doing it.

If everybody enjoys the planning, the matching shirts, the group activities, the hotel blocks, the destination, and everything else that comes with it, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But if your family struggles to get everybody together for a traditional reunion, maybe try removing the label.

Stop trying to get everyone to agree on one perfect place.

Stop trying to make everyone stay at the same hotel.

Stop trying to create the perfect itinerary.

Instead, create more opportunities to be together.

Birthdays.

Graduations.

Weddings.

Anniversaries.

Retirements.

Baby showers.

Holiday gatherings.

Or just because.

Share the date.

Let people decide what they can afford and how they want to participate.

And when you see each other, make the most of it.

Because when you really think about it, the family reunion was never about the city.

It wasn’t about the hotel.

It wasn’t about the T-shirt.

It wasn’t even about the activities.

It was about the family.

And sometimes, the easiest way to get more family together is to stop trying so hard to plan a family reunion.

Thanks for reading The Deep Dive!

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